No Kids Allowed

I am about to show how incredibly old and out of touch I am with Kids These Days.  You know, KTD, those runts with no redeeming value, that are hellbent on destroying everything good in this world? Those lazy good-for-nothing .. hold on, I’ve dropped my cane. Where was I? Oh yes, shaking my fist and ranting…

I have heard about how easy KTD give out personal information, but I never really saw evidence of this until last night when some 11-year-old girl gave me her e-mail address and full name: asked me to add her on Facebook. I felt like I wanted to wash with bleach afterwards.

Sweetheart: You don’t have to give out private information to someone you “met” for 10 minutes. Geez, add me as a buddy in-game or something… but giving a 35-year-old your e-mail is creepy: for the 35-year-old. And, yes, she knew I was 35 (our ages came up in conversation).  It gave me the screaming heebie-jeebies: for two reasons.

First, the obvious “you don’t know if I am a rapist/pedophile” hysteria. I think of my own kids and immediately go into “What are you thinking?! You don’t know if I am going to send you porn, or entice you into GAWD knows what with your webcam! What would your MOTHER SAY?!”  But to make things more realistic, she didn’t know if I am just a regular douchebag. Another person would have used her gmail to sign her up for all sorts of fun spam and other stupid, mostly harmless shennannigans. Lucky for her, my brand of evil consists of eating the last box of Kraft Dinner so that my husband is forced to make my child something other than “noodles and cheese” on Saturdays. Which, of course, is almost as evil as one can get.

But why even set yourself up for the internet equivalent of prank phone calls if you don’t have to? What was she trying to gain?

This brings me to my second point, I don’t want to play with children. She wanted to be my friend, and I don’t babysit anymore. I don’t want to be the friend of any more children. I like children. Or rather I like MY children. I play with them all the time. I play nicey nice with their friends. Which is why I want to get away from children when I game. I want to have adult conversations, with adults. Why the hell would I ever facebook friend some kid?

Her actions can  probably be chalked up to internet anonymity combined with being stupid, like all 11 year olds.

I remember as a kid, I was somewhat scared of “the big kids”. They were not going to be my friends, they looked like they wanted to beat me up. They were so different: I was a child and the big kids were on the verge of this thing called teenagehood. They were of a different culture and were more interested in standing around and talking about Important Things than running around and playing, which is an Important Thing.

If Big Kids were foreign, adults were alien, at least their conversations and concerns were so vastly removed from the kinds I understood that nothing resonated at all with me and my friends.

And so, hearing that I was 35 really didn’t mean anything to her, she needed to see me in order to figure out that I am a big girl with my big girl games and my big girl friends that have nothing to do with the likes of her.

So please, children who game. Leave me alone. I know I reek of awesome: but find someone your own size to bug.

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  • 2Belts  On December 1, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Clearly someone needs to logoff Hello Kitty Online.

    Jokes aside running into kids online can suck especially if they’re the stupid variety or, even worse, the kind that think spewing racial/homophobic/sexist epithets into their headset/chat log makes them “tough”. There’s really no way avoid them in the wild as they’re the ones in our hobby with the time so no matter when you logon chances are you’re surrounded by them. Unless you join a clan or guild or whatever specifically limited to people in our age bracket. Or play EVE. The learning curve weeds out idiots looking to “pwn” people.

    In the end I’ve gotten used to just tuning them out provided they aren’t overtly stupid/racist. So is that Death Knight a Bnet kiddie, probably but he’s doing solid DPS and knows the instance. Is that cracking voice over my headset a 14 year old, likely but he’s playing with the team and not shooting me to steal the tank so whatever.

    • yellingatpixels  On December 1, 2010 at 10:30 pm

      HEY! Hello Kitty Online is awesome. I don’t want to hear this crap again.

  • Falelorn  On December 1, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    This is one of the many reasons why I loathe children and believe they should be locked up until they are at least 18. I never want kids, will never have them and when I must deal with them in family or some other setting I generally can be polite but if they slightly show their age in some way, screw em… get the hell out of my sight.

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